I wasn't always as young as I am now.
I used to be a very old man, drunk on alcohol, yes, but just as drunk on selfishness and ego; dirt poor inside and out. I ran the car off the road over and over, literally and figuratively, each time promising to let someone else drive, only to find myself behind the wheel again, out of control and headed for the ditch one more time.
I was trapped in my own thinking and I didn't trust anyone enough to follow them out. I was drowning in self pity, self delusion, and self loathing; totally self consumed. I was offered many lifesaving hands, but always insisted they were the wrong one, until I knew I was going under for the last time. I finally accepted the hand that was offered without reservation and began taking the suggestions of people who had been where I was. I started rebuilding my life and it almost felt like I was aging backwards, aided by a spiritual curiosity I'd ignored and left behind as a very young man. That was many years ago, and while my body has aged, I am decades younger inside than I was during those last years of drunken spiritual crisis. I never want to lose sight of how it felt when I was on the verge of drowning.
Which brings me to what's been on my mind for a couple of days.
The local news recently reported on the tragic death of a police officer who drowned while trying to stop a suicidal woman from driving her car into the river. If the news accounts are accurate, this officer died trying to save a woman who has an arrest record going back years, consisting mostly of drug and alcohol related offenses. She survived, and after being released from the hospital will be facing criminal charges that will change the rest of her life, for better or worse.
The comments on the Facebook page of the local newspaper show a mob verdict of guilty with a sentence of death.
But what would that officer say if he could speak to us now? Would he ask if he died in vain, trying to save a woman who's life wasn't worth saving? Someone who'd lost hope so deeply that they thought suicide was the only option left? Would he question the desire to see her dead after he had sacrificed himself trying to save her? Or would he want to see her turn her life around and show others that they don't have to go down the road she travelled, making his attempt to save her life a success?
The comments on the Facebook page of the local newspaper show a mob verdict of guilty with a sentence of death.
But what would that officer say if he could speak to us now? Would he ask if he died in vain, trying to save a woman who's life wasn't worth saving? Someone who'd lost hope so deeply that they thought suicide was the only option left? Would he question the desire to see her dead after he had sacrificed himself trying to save her? Or would he want to see her turn her life around and show others that they don't have to go down the road she travelled, making his attempt to save her life a success?
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